Marriage... I Have No Idea

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. So many of my friends are either married, about to get married, or sadly, experiencing the aftermath of divorce.

I've been thinking about how it works for some and not for others, how some couples weather the storm, while others get caught up in the fallen branches.

I don't think divorce is wrong. In fact, in many cases, I think it is right.

I have read a few books on marriage, listened to the wise words of couples who have made it 20, 40, 60 years...

And I still can't tell you how it works, or why it works for some and not for others.

I cannot tell you the one thing that all marriages need.

The thing is, I've known a lot of incredible people who are awesome communicators, quick to forgive, good at finding balance, a team player, have a solid relationship with the Lord... and their marriages have ended.

And I've known couples who seem to have a whole bag full of issues, starting from when they were very young... and their marriages work.

There is no formula, no "three things to remember," no rule...

Some marriages work and some do not.

Is it pure luck? Well, no, I think there's more that goes into it then that.

But, yes, in some sense, it is luck.

You are lucky if you and your spouse happen to change together as people (count yourself extremely lucky if this cohesive change happens throughout your 20's).

You are lucky if you and your spouse mostly agree on how to parent your children.

You are lucky if you are secure and willing to talk about ALL THE STUFF with your spouse... the big and the small... or the small that is actually the big.

You are lucky if, after 20 plus years in the relationship, you still get excited to see each other and miss each other when you're apart.

So, yeah, I think luck has something to do with it.

And then there's the expectations. Choosing to expect a great love instead of a perfect love. Because perfect is not reality, nor will it ever be. Perfect is the stuff in the movies. Perfect is meant for God.

The purpose of this post is not to end with some profound answer or truth. I am not here as an expert, only 6 years into marriage, to say I've figured it all out. I am certain I never will.

I'm here to say I don't know. That I don't think being a good communicator, or saying I forgive you, or even having a shared relationship with the Lord is a guarantee for a solid, lasting marriage.

Because it's not.

There is no guarantee. There is only hope. Hope that it will last, hope that you will weather the storm, hope that in 20 years you still like each other.

So, I guess in my marriage I have some luck, but I also have a shit load of hope.

Basically marriage is jumping off a cliff and hoping the ground is soft. And love... there's a lot of love that goes into it, too.