Waiting

Lately I've given myself permission not to write. Instead, I've been spending a lot of time listening, reading and listening again.

I've also been waiting.

Last week I went to see a Dermatologist about a strange skin patch on my back. She looked at it, told me it didn't look normal and that we needed to take a biopsy to find out more.

Then... 7 days of waiting.

Waiting to find out what it was. She said it looked like a rare skin disease called Morphea, but there were other possibilities, although the chances of it being one of those was slim.

But cancer...

or Systemic Scleroderma (which I had plenty of time to read all about). A disease that gives you 10 more years at best.

These things filled my time, my thoughts, my laptop screen.

I thought the worst, cried about the possibility, and worried.

I sat anxious, scared and tired.

And then a day before I got the results back, I was overcome with a peace.

A peace that said...

It's going to be OK.

You will be OK.

Stop your anxious thoughts. I am here. I am bigger than those thoughts.

I am bigger than cancer, than a diagnosis.

You will be OK.

And my mind rested. My body rested.

And I waited....

The results came back confirming what my doctor thought. I have a rare autoimmune disease called Morphea. Basically, it could mean more weird skin patches, some even in more obvious places.

But... no cancer, no life threatening diagnosis. Just a skin condition.

I'll take it.

Waiting is hard. It is not for the faint of heart.

But waiting teaches.

It teaches courage.

It reminds us of our weakness and our need for something stronger than this human spirit.

Something that is never anxious, but is always love.

I am reminded in these moments of waiting what it means to be dependent on a Savior. I am reminded of an unexplainable God who cares deeply for our well being and that He above all else understands what that well-being truly means.

Today I sit thankful for a diagnosis that is manageable.

But more than that, I am thankful for a God who reminds me to wait.